No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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