dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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