Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize