i will never coherently bang her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize