R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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