There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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