Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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