woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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