Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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