fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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