I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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