So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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