He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize