Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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