I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
