Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
