He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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