Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
