the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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