margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
