I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
