i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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