I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
