It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize