Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
