"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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