the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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