Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
