hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
