thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
