After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
