Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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