Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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