we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
