he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
