The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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