he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize