In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
