can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
