Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
