people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
