also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
