i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize