eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
