Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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