the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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