i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
