The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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