Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
