seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
