the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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