I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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