The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
