Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
