i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
birth control should be required to get into college
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
