it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
