I puked a lego.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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