and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
two words: eviction party
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize