i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
