so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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