Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
