I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
