I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
