To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
