apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
