i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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