here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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