we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
