I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
