Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
