Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she looked like the before picture.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
